Now reading tomorrow organic chem practical read until very bored so decided to update my blog or else my friends wiill say " Jowin, Y never update ur blog?' haha.... Kidding my friends... joking... haha...

Yesterday nite, went to eat buffet steamboat wif my 3 other childhood friends... we really is child hood in the sense that we from very very small play until now... altogether, there are 5 of us including mi... all of us are guys.... Last time when we are small, we are super angry... After the 5 of us meet, when i get home, i will get caned by my fater cause is too palyful and naughty until my father cannot stand mi den always end up getting beaten... but when young get beaten is like nothing cause my tat time where got so many welfare.... hee.... beat beat beat also grow up le... more mature le.... Haf notice how each and every of us grown up... now, my other 3 friends who eat steamboat wif mi yesterday all is attached le... lafet mi and the other guy... so envious of them... their stead are so loving to them.. jealous...haha... den i keep on disturning them when will i get to eat ur wedding dinner... den my neighbour say "Didn't we say wan to gert married together? this is wat we say when we are very young.... hee.... den we all agreed and say tat it will be very grand and will save quite a bit cause the overall cost is divided between 5 families... haha..... but.... it will nbe long if all of us wan get married together cause must wait for evceryone to be attached ma.... haha... thinking back, quite silly when we are young also... haha...

Den we eat the steamboat until like no image le... eat quite a lot until super super full... eat for 1 and a half hour... i sure put on a lot of weight... haha.... sad sad... i must go on diet le if not no body wan mi le... too fat le ma.... hee.... while eating, i really enjoy it.... in the sense that we joke a lot and do a lot of stupid things.... den i super action cause i over stress le.... we took too much food until cannot finish den i told them to paly "zhong ji mi ma" so that we will be force to eat and not waste food buit in the end, still waste a little bit... now talking abt the steamboat, feel hungry le... haha....den really enjoy a lot...

Today mood also quite good cause yesterday i made a decision tat is i finally decided to fan xia "her" le.... after 7 months i fianlly made the decision.... hope i will be happier after i made this decision.. but at times, still se bu de her... but wat to do... mi and her is ony got fate but cannot be together..... No point holding on as it wun come to any good ending... But mi and her still quite good friend ba.... hope i will really fang xia.... hee..... Must haf determination......

I think cause of a lot of other factors tat made mi decided to fang xia also.... hee.... Hope i will be happier as the days goes by..... Hee.... Will continue to update my blog often as i think i will be less busy this few weeks... hee.....

Harlo my friends.... waiting very long to see my blog rite??? always ask mi "Jowin, why never update ur blog?" Finally i got time and mood to update my blog already.... it might be a very long 1..... haha....

Recently, i think i was busy wif a lot of things like NPCC, den sch work den my religion things also........ Dun even haf time to take a break.... always immerse wif so much things... maybe going to break down soon le...... Everyday after sch, dunnoe y will feel so tired, so shack out... maybe too fat le never exercise den stamina weak ba... dunnoe ba.......

Reacently my temper very bad..... very hot-tempered... so my friend if i got show attitude problem, hope u all will forgive.... Dunnoe y suddenly so hot-tempered....... it is like i will get very angry over very very very small things.... is like i wun be like tat.... yesterday my father ask mi wat happen but i told hm nthing den kept quiet cause i also dunnoe the reason for my behaviour now...... DEn dun dare tok to him later he wil ask ask ask...... haiz.... i dunnoe wat got into mi these few days.......... very frustrated.......


Today after IT practical rush to see my result.... who noes whne i saw it, i was so disappointed wif it.......i mean i really got put the effort to study but in the end it turn out to be worse....... i feel tat it was worse den my last semester test........ i was so so so disappointed tat i wanted to cry but u all noe tat guys cannot cry so i bare wif it.. den after seeingt he result, went back to sec sch for NPCC meeting on training programme.... haiz... sometimes very difficult to work things out especially when got a lot of ppl den wan to discuss.... must coordinate until everyone free .... den when everyone free. den suddenly told mi tat going out....got something on.... but luckily the programme was settled..... but i haf not typed out........... after the meeting, i went home den i play games until now... wanted to forget abt everything but seems tat i can't..... the responsibility was there........ a lot of pressure........

Today morning went to sec sch, saw 1 of my ex whu i love deeply in the past...... wanted to greet and called out to her but........ i did not....... when i see her, i was feel wif regrets....... i dun dare face her........... i....i...... she still look the same......

Sotiems i really wish to take a long long long long break whereby i wun haf anythings to worried abt and think of but...... i can't....... Whu noes wat i am feeling now.... whu noes how stress i am now... whu noes tat i was so troubled now....... whu noes if i never say out.... i really hate myself for hafing such a poor time management...... I hate and angry wif myself abt my test..... haiz.... abt eveything......

I really very tired.... My feelings for 'her' haf not fade.... why........ i dun understand...... Y sometimes good guys will always be failure in relationship but those bad guy so successful in raeltionship... sometimes dun understand..... ppl say let nature take it course and be patient........ i bear in mind and waited....... but in the end..... is like.......... dun wish to say le........

Schwork now is also very pressure...... I like this course why i cannot make the effort to study...... Why ppl study last min can do weel but i..... haiz....... i really at a lost now.... lost in a lot a lot of things.... how i wish i can shut myself up from everything....... but is it possible.... why some of my friends can score well..... feel very pressure..... even though they never stress mi but..... i somehow feel so pressure......

Sometime thinking whether did i make the rite choice to study in this course...... noeing that i might not catch up...... my freinds are all very understanding ppl.... but.......

Maybe i should really fine 1 day to gif myself a break ba... but when will this day arrive for mi.... haha...... gods noe wat is best for mi...... must haf faith in god......... but i no faith in myself.....

Now also confused over relationship things... how i wish i can be emotionless so tat i wun fall in love and get another trouble for mi.....

today, 5/3/04

Wake up early in te morning go to my sec sch to go wif my cadets for cross country duty. go there help out my officers. During the duty, i saw my ex... she sms mi but i never bring my hp wif mi. after the duty den i reply her. den after i reply her, we chat quite a lot. she say she wanted to say'hi' to mi but shy. i also wanted to greet her but shy also.... den we chat a while ask abbt each other life. den i was surprise byt he way she ask mi... it seems she very updated abt mi... haha.... she noe i next week got test and i like who... haha... shock and surprised.... den i ask her how she noe, she say secret ask mi to guess... haha....... den i cannot guess it den dun guess le.... got 1 part of the sms we tok abt last time we together..... she say i distrust her.... actually that time, there was misunderstanding and i dare not voice or solve it... in the end, we broke up....... den just now we say abt...... den we say tat maybe i was mature at that time ba..... actualyl she was quite nice ba..... but all is in the past le.... :0)

ACtually, it has been abt 1 month +++ le... Honestly, my feelings is a mixed. i not sure of who i haf feelings for now.... i still care and zai hu "her"(the gal i chase last her) everytime i see her, i tok to her den we crap here crap there...... maybe i still fang bu xia or can say i stubborn ba..... but........ dunnoe ba........ hee.....

Recently holiday, slept a lot... haiz.... like pig like tat.... slp more than study... felt stress.... even though is mcq, i was still scare..... i scare never do well but given the effort i put in....haiz........ say le jiu angry wif myself..... keep on dragging and dragging.... haiz....


SChool reopen = test ..... wonder how will things be like....so stress up and busy recently........... hope everything will goes on smoothly ba........... maybe this is the latest update of mi ba...... haha.....

Just got back from my NPCC Area 7 ATC camp... It is a 3 days 2 nite camp.... during this camp, i was a group instructor. Taking a bunch of sec 2 cadets is quite fun but need to put in a lot of effort as they are just sec 2 and tends to be more playful and did not lsiten to instruction.... sometimes also angry wif them.... notice that they should be told the reasons of why they cannot do this and that den they will listen more.... THey are quite cute actually.... For the camp, most of my batchmate (same batch as mi in CI course) is their last camp... REally very sad... been wif them for so many camp and the bonding is so strong now they are leaving le... can't bear it... TIme flies so fast.... the thought of them leaving, can cry..... Wat is the moral.... "cherish wat ever time u haf wif the people around u because u dun noe when they will be leaving u......"

I slept from yesterday afternoon 4+++ to today morning 9.... haha.... replenish all my energy...... later haf to study for test........ Next week test...... cannot play so much .........